Dear Kyle,
I don't know how I get in so deep (that's what he said) but I do. Sometimes, I suffocate myself with what I think you must think about me. None of which is probably true and even if it were, so what?
What do I think you think about me? That I'm crazy, that I'm a burden. There both true but I let myself get caught up in negative energy sometimes. So deep that not even my better judgement can easily pull me out. When I say I suffocate myself, I'm not exaggerating. When it gets to that point all I want to do is just have you talking to me. Telling me that you love me and that you're there for me.
I haven't been fair to you. I haven't stuck to my promises. I said I'd be there for you and that you didn't have to worry about being there for me but I forgot that I usually need you way more than you ever need me. I don't have to though. God, I just don't know how to keep my head above water. I can tell the difference between the moments when I need you or just crave your intention in the unhealthy way I MUST stop doing.
Either way, I think I need a break from all this talk. I think you need a night of uninterrupted peace. 3 days. If I feel the urge to talk, if I feel that pull of fear. I'll find peace within myself. It's been there all along. Regardless, I'm gonna be in San Francisco for 4 months starting February and I can't afford to miss you this much. I've gotta chill out. I've gotta find peace. love you
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