40/365 Back to You Again

I wanted to write a poem about butterflies...

Floating towards the skies and touching clouds that instantly dispersed like dreams that were never real or tangible in the first place.

But I mean come on "butterflies floating towards the sky"?

That line has been written so many times I can't even call it mine.

So instead, 

I wrote about a worm, 

burrowing down in the wrong direction to fulfill his emptiness and i felt this cosmic connection.

Like I couldn't tell the difference between him and me because the pain you have given me has denoted a similar picture in my mind and it's back to you.

I wanted to write a poem about little girls skipping hop scotch.

But my heart told my brain to take that happiness down just a snotch.

Because it's to busy drinking scotch and

inhaling the pain you have left me and it's back to you...

again.

I wanted to write a poem about joy on Sunday morning but then I remembered my mother scorning me because I was crying in church one day and I was trying to remember what I was crying about anyway.

oh right,

it's you.

And it's back to you again.

I wanted to write a poem about my favorite color and as I was getting lost in a seep of deep violets and lavenders

BROUGHT BACK BY that day you wore that shirt that was the perfect blend of purple and it's back to you again.

So I decided all that was too light hearted for me,

So I wanted to write a poem about a current event.

Darfur, Obama, President Bush getting hit by a shoe WHATEVER!

So i sat down to watch the news but then Johnny said to Suzie 

"Back to you"

and it kind of made me think about this poem that I wanted to write about...you.....

And it's back to you again because the truth of the matter is I don't just think about you when I'm reading poetry or signing Geek in the Pink at the top of my lungs because it's the only that reminds me of what I have to offer,

You're ALWAYS on my mind.

The vivid picture when I close my eyes.

Prying your way into my thoughts with your lies.

And I have a hard time hearing your words over you contradicting actions.

It's like you have "I love you" engraved down your middle finger and you just keep FLIPPING ME OFF.

And with that you plague me, destroy me, literally rot me from the inside.

YOU were the desire that I never wanted.

The lust I couldn't fight.

And though you made it undoubtedly clear you weren't the one.

You had this Unbelievable nerve,

to bring me right back to you

Again.