44/365 Rantatious

Go!

I can make it through the day.

I can smile through the pain.

I CAN live with never being with him; as hard as that is for me to believe.

He's not the first and he sure as hell won't be the last.

If my feelings for him at the end of the day mean nothing, so be it.

I have new theory. Or rather, I've come across an incredibly uplifting epiphany.

If there's something in your life you don't like; change it.

If you can't change it; let it be.

Learn to love it or learn to live with it but don't dwell.

Keep living, nothing is ever worth stopping your world for.

Especially not this.

Nothing good can come of it.

But good things come to those who continue smiling.

The more you smile,

The more you have something to smile about.

There's always some reason to smile.

ALWAYS.

Grant it, there's always some reason to frown too.

But the glass is half full.

Dalton told me not to expect anything but can I expect nothing?

Reggie has a track record of having nothing happen in our relationship if I don't make it happen.

He always has thoughts and plans.

Brilliant moves that, in theory, he wants to make.

Never does it.

In theory, he wants to call me.

Never will.

In theory, he wants to be happy.

Won't do it.

In theory, he wants to be in a noteworthy relationship.

Bon Chance!

And lucky me.

I get to be in love with him.

I get why.

Totally.

It's unhealthy, it's uncool and is effecting every relationship he has poorly,

But I get it.

Max said it best.

He's afraid of making a mistake.

So afraid of making a wrong turn.

Afraid of moving even slightly left if he finds out later he should have moved right.

LIFE IS NEVER A STRAIGHT PATH.

It's a zigzag to the ultimate destination.

Don't ever be afraid to zig when you should zagged.

It won't end tragically.

In fact, it won't end at all.

The only way it ends if you're so dang afraid that you stand still,

Which is exactly what he's doing.

You'll never move toward your goal at all if you don't MOVE!

I want to tell him all this.

I want to help him get over it because I can.

Help him get his life together.

But I can't.

For several reasons.

Most of which I don't even know because they're buried somewhere within me,

He has a girlfriend.

Truly, this is like 5 reasons wrapped in one but still.

He'll be tempted if I hang around him and talk to him too often.

I'll be tempted if I hang around him at all.

but wait.

It's not like he'd ever get the guts to do ANYTHING!

Especially not break up with Shannon

Even if I was around him.

Even if I tempted the crap out of him.

Not even I am enough to snap him out of his unmoving state.

So I guess the reason simply is; I'll be tempted,

And enraged by the fact that my tempting isn't enough to move him.

So yeah, I want to expect that if I don't do anything to forward our relationship, neither will he.

Seems probable with the evidence given.

And it hurts less.

Dealing with the "fact" that we'll never be together.

Hurts less.

Still, Dalton's right; I can't expect anything.

I have a feeling she's going to grow tired of his constant indecision.

It's written all over face.

He's bringing her down.

He has that effect.

Doesn't matter much.

I'm so incredibly sick of things that change absolutely nothing.

If she doesn't get sick of him.

If she sticks it out.

If they get closer.

Ugh.

I don't know how I'll feel about it.

I don't know how it'll effect me.

But I know I'll get over it.

I know I can smile through it.

I know I'm strong enough.

I still wonder if I'm stronger than my feelings for him.

We'll find out…