I really am misunderstood but it's not nearly as bad as it sounds. Or as bad as I heard it I guess because no one really meant it in a bad way. So I guess I don't blame Quinn for saying...well she actually didn't say much against it. I'm probably just expecting everyone to think what I'm secretly thinking. But nobody's perfect.....
I GOTTA WORK IT!....
Heh, meanwhile. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. (Screw organization, I'm gonna fly through this and then really work it out when I make that kit.)
I'm excited to get this off my chest. To stop feeling badly that I'm still thinking about it. I'm beginning to think it's never worth being mad at yourself. I mean, if you can't support yourself through things, who can? That doesn't mean justifying the thing you did wrong, that means jumping up and fixing what you did wrong immediately. You're priorities:
1. Make amends the best you can with the people you've hurt. Apologize sincerely and thoroughly. Admit you're wrong. Don't go for the sympathy bit. Not the "I'm a horrible person" blah, blah, blah. Be honest, tell the whole truth. Why what you did was wrong and why you're sorry down to the very last detail. If they don't accept it. You can no longer feel badly about it. It may seem selfish to move on happily with your life while they are still holding things against you, but it's not.....
"Happiness is not the reward of virtue....
but rather virtue itself."....
-Max Maltz
And who doesn't want to be virtuous after they've done something wrong?....
2. Make amends with yourself. If you can't support yourself, who can? And even if someone finds it in their heart to support you, it won't help so don't be a lameo. Again, don't justify just understand what you did, why you did it, why you should never do it again, why you won't and what you plan to do to make up for the things you did to yourself and others. And above all, keep your head up; this too shall pass.....
Hey, if you find out through all this that you honestly don't believe what you did was wrong. Sweet. Don't apologize. If you honestly think what you did was worth doing at the time and you'd do it again despite the results. Screw anyone who thinks it was wrong. They're not your problems. If they're friends of yours who have decided to turn their back on you. Bummer. Try to get them to see it your way but if they refuse. D'oh well, who needs that kind of stubborn influence around anyway. Afterall,
"You are who you are. The 'why' really ....
doesn't matter."-Breach....
So anyway. About this whole Day 7 thing. Right?! But it's necessary. I find it worth it for me to figure this out. Isn't doing what no one else does necessary for getting what no one else has? I do believe. I do it because I want to find all these answers. Not for me. I could careless about me. I honestly don't plan on going through this many more times. I want to find the answers for all my friends. For anyone that's hurting. I want to be able to tell anyone with gusto what they should do in any given situation. I throw myself full heartedly into every emotion. To explore it fully. So that even if I don't know fully know the pain of what someone is going through, I can imagine and develope that empathy. I may just be being self-righteous but I'd like to think it's what I'm meant for. ....
So I was thinking that maybe I'm just not that kind of person who can continue being friends after a break-up. Like I just couldn't handle looking that person in the eyes everyday and not want to be with them. But that sounded so...not true. I mean, the question was should you be friends with your ex or not? I'm thinking it's based on two questions. Maybe more, I'm not afraid of finding out. Nor afraid of what it takes to find out.....
"I'm ready to do what I'm meant for."....
-Cody Schmitt....
First question) Was he a good friend? I suppose if he wasn't you really can't start a friendship out of nothing. Unless, in the relationship, you developed a friendship. I don't know, it's a tricky thing to know. Maybe it's worth trying. And if it doesn't work out you can always just tell him that. But see, with Reggie...he's not that great of a friend. Do NOT get me wrong. He's a great guy. One of the best. But as a friend...he's just average. He won't be there for you when you need him most. He won't care about you as much as you need him to. And even when he supposedly does, he just doesn't see the point. It's a burden to him. Something he does just to keep up that good friend image but you can tell, he doesn't really want to waste his time on you. I'm not trying to talk him down, I'M NOT TRYING TO TALK HIM DOWN. Caring is not his strongest suit. Oh but he has so many more to make up for it. It's all g double o d. Love the kid, man.
Meanwhile, he's nothing like Dalton. The dude is pretty much the exact opposite of Reggie. Love how he said they were the same person. Big time Bull kiddo! But yeah, Dalton cares about his friends. If you ask him to do anything, he'll do it. No matter what it is or where he is. He'd do it. He'll talk to you no matter what, no matter where, no matter who. If you need support or just to vent, he's your guy. Reggie, meh, not so much. I hate to admit.
It hurts to say it,
I hate to say it...
The only time I've actually had a conversation, like really involved, was when we were trying to solve his problem. After we found the solution to his problem which incidentally enough left me completely shattered and broken, he was just about ready to get off the phone. You could hear it in his voice; this disconnection. Can't hold it against him though. Caring guy is just not who he is.
Second Question)But it's cool. Cause he's a fun person to be around, to chill with. I just realized how lucky I am. I mean, I invested a lot of time into our relationship from the beginning. Of course, I had different intentions of how it would come out but what are you going to do? But yeah, Reggie isn't the kind of guy who likes to be tied down to one person usually. He kind of likes to be on his own. I'm beginning to think there's only 3 people if he had the choice, he would hang around. That's me, his bro. and Alex. Lucky me to be that chick. He never really hangs out with his brother during the day because he knows he'll see him when he gets home. Alex and I are never around him at the same time. Basically what I'm saying is, Reggie and I don't have to be best friends but we can be close. The best part of this deal, I don't have to utter a word of reconcilliation to Reggie. All I have to do is show up by his side talking my crazy talk that he just adores, and I'm in. Then I get total control I'm afraid because I'm also one of those people who doesn't like to be tied down socially. I gotta fly baby. That's why I'm still so worried about what the hell I'm gonna do with ShaTera. I hope she gives me a little space to be me when we both have to be in the same place. But that's a long ways off. And I'm sure I can ween her off. She's another issue. But yeah, that means I'm in complete control cause he'll be reluctant to let me know he enjoys my company even though I already know.
And if I didn't know, and if I didn't know
Well if I didn't know that you loved me
would you tell me?
So when I dissapear from his side, he'll want to follow but his pride won't let him. And I'm off the hook.
I guess none of that really goes for the general effect I wanted but maybe I haven't experienced or speculated enough to get that going. Maybe a key thing to this whole friendship thing is not bringing up the break-up up and more importantly, not having it in the back of your mind. That's a huge stunter. So you can't really be friends until you let it go can you? Well, that's the 7 day handiness idn't it. That's all I got. No? Yeah it's all I got!!
My life is complicated.
Boyfriend?
Don't wanna talk about it.
I'LL WORK IT OUT IN THE END!!
No comments:
Post a Comment