Question; where do I get off thinking I'm special? This is high school. I'm 17!
Do not tell me I'm in love with him! Well, so what if I am? It means nothing. It changes nothing.
It's not unfair. It's not untrue. It's life.
I just keep thinking if I'm not with him I can't be with anyone. I find very little reason to live happily if this road doesn't somehow include him.
HOW STUPID DO I SOUND?!....
I snicker so condescendingly at girls like me.
But it's how happy he makes me. Like no one else....
How kindly he dominates my thoughts...
How we talk and no one else can even follow it....
How absolutely perfect we would be together....
It all serves to ensure my inability to walk away from him...
The only reason I would walk away is to protect my pride.
Protect my heart…. It keeps wanting this and it won't stop. I could walk away from him run even…....
If only I had a stable reason strong enough to break this spell.
I need a reason....
I have plenty of reasons to want to be with him . ....
Plenty of reasons to pursue him until he tkes a freakin' a chainsaw to my heart.....
Breaking it wasn't enough. ....
Making me cry painfully for three days straight wasn't enough. ....
No, no sweetheart , I need to feel it....
Not just in my heart, I don't just need my soul to hurt....
I want to feel it.... Every millimeter of my body to the point where I can't even move.
F THREE DAYS....
I need three f'in months. Every moment of it had better be spent crying. Sleep is not even an option. I need it to be painful, because I can't move on otherwise.
Damn it, give me a reason to hate you . ....
I NEED AN F'IN REASON!!....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I can't soften my pride for him who can I soften it for? ....
Shouldn't he chase after me? ....
That's not fair, I walked away from him . I said we could never be together....
I didn't give him a chance....
It'd be so cocky of me to ask him if anyone makes him as happy as I do.....
He'd be so thrown off by it he wouldn't even know how to reply.....
....
Though the answer, incase you were wondering…is simply no.
------------------------------------------------
I'd like to think I'm just being over-dramatic. Ever notice that the thing in life you're focusing on the most seems to be the most problematic? That's because you're looking for the flaws. You want it to be perfect so you stress over it until you find something to stress over. It's idiotic once you really think about it. Maybe that's it;I'm just focusing on the wrong thing. Still, I need to tell him how I feel. I owehim that much. The rest...(ugh, I'm going to say this here knowing it's lack of truth); but the rest, I will no longer care about...
No comments:
Post a Comment