182/365 Letters 64

Dear Franklin,

Consider from where I am coming from. My three and half year confidante and love of my life was too busy to spend time with me or make an effort. One of many signs that he didn't really care about me and here I am developing feelings for you and I have this gnawing feeling like...it could happen again.

Here's where you're right. We should take it day by day because that's how the universe works. And even "a day" is too large a measurement. The only difference between you giving me a blue-print of how you want our relationship to go and just letting whatever happens happen is in the former, I get to call you a liar (and neither of us want that). What will happen will  happen. It's best we accept that now.

Here's where I'm right. We need a level of commitment, no matter how low. You don't just purchase a plant or a cat and say, "que sera, sera" and that's it. No, you say, I'm going to take care of it, feed it, spend time with it, whatever I need to do to help it survive. Then que sera, sera. I need that level of commitment, for you to say I will try my best to see you at least once while you're in town and do so. For you to spend at least half an hour skyping me per week. Out of 168 hours in a week, .5 is not a lot. I need to see you make an effort for that to happen. Every time I look you in the eyes...I don't know what happens but you move me. I shudder to think what we'd be missing if we didn't take the time to find out what that meant.

I'd be fooling myself if I didn't write this. I'd be untrue to myself if I tried to pretend I was okay without hearing from you. I'm not asking for us, to be together. I'm not even saying we shouldn't date or be interested in other people. I'm just saying if we are going to date each other, there has to be an effort on both our parts to spend time getting to know each other while I'm here and in Denver. If that can’t be done, let me know. I'll be willing to nip my feelings in the bud, call us friends and head in another direction. Your call.