122/365 Letters 37

Dear Reggie,

Had a dream about you last night. I don't think I've had a dream about you in awhile but this one gave me the feeling that I had. You know those dreams that seem like they're apart of a series? Yeah, well this one had that sort of ring to it. 

It seemed like there had been many dreams in which we ran into each other and your welcome varied by degrees. At first it was full-fledge Reggie, border lining bullshit, happy response. But the latest dream, I waved at you and called you buddy as casually as I could. As distant from the hug I wanted so badly to full-force plant on you and you looked at me like I was foreign, kept your physical distance and say, "hey, x."

Could be x as in an unnamed number in algebra. Like I was hardly worth having an identity. Or it could be "ex" as in ex-girlfriend. Either were fathomable. I went with the former. The latter seems to give too much credit, gave me some sort of chapter in your life. I don't think you would go for that.

Apparently you did not hear yourself so I asked you why you called me that. You laughed the same laugh you always do when you're trying to make light of something that carries so much weight. The same laugh that cuts me so deep.

You asked me how I was as you kept walking, not actually caring. I heard you down the hall yelling, "STEVE" to someone who meant far more to you, I can only assume. 

I wanted to cry.

Don't call me crazy and write it off as some dream. You did that for the last time when you tried to comfort me about not being able to see you over Winter Break. It was bullshit. You don't tell someone they're crazy for thinking something will happen and then not stop it from happening when you have sole control. That doesn't make it a crazy accusation, that makes it premonition.

I'm beginning to think a lot of things you call me crazy for are actually intuition. Like this dream. I mean that little to you at the core Reg and you know it. God you know it....

Don't bother with me dude. You strung me along for long enough. It was fun. Don't put up the front like we're such great friends, don't bother trying to hang out with me. It ain't going to happen. I don't need you so just leave me alone.

In case you didn't read between the lines; fuck you.