April 14, 2011
I just wonder if I am making too big a deal out of this. There's a question that has been gloating in my head for sometime now. I haven't been able to get a hold of it yet, to ground it. Maybe I'm avoiding because it's a social taboo because it can be insulting to other survivors and it can be argued that what I am about to say is completely immoral. But you're mine, so at least I'll say it here.
Would I think my sexual abuse was so bad, if no one told me it was wrong? If no one told me how I would feel or the problems I would feel or the problems I would have as an adult, would I feel them?
It's kind of a hard question to answer and there's no way to really tell but I think about it. The mind is a powerful thing. What you think, you shall be. I dated Kyle right after talking to Ladi about the adverse affects of her sexual abuse. Viable, I'm sure, but I immediately made her problems mine. Partly because I wanted to "fit in" with sexual abuse survivors, partly because I like attention and sexual abuse stories are attention seeking missiles and partly because, I thought that's how things were.
Thank God for language and fanciful writing, can make an ugly thing sound so pretty.
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