Do you remember the first time we met?
I thought you were angel.
The way the light bounced off your skin
like a halo
I thought you had the things that could make me feel whole.
and you’d buy me things,
flowers and cashmeres scarves.
I didn’t realize you were just gonna end up leaving finger-prints.
I am walking crime scene.
The first time you hit me,
I stared at soiled hand print on my face for hours
and I remember thinking how beautiful it made me
How lucky I was
to be able to wear proof or your love just above my eye-brow.
The first time you punched me
I could have sworn I tasted affection on your knuckles.
But I never understood the names you called me
or the fact that you never let me out the house.
But everything out my window just looked like the reflections of a warped mind.
I was disillusioned.
Thinking you hit because you cared
kept me because you wanted me
Shackled me out of love
But I hear your tongue rape my name every time it's on your lips.
You’re an abusive lover
You’ve carved vulgarities into my bones that I didn’t even know you knew
The concept of viciousness envies you
and you’re ability to deliver flowers to me in the shapes violet roses
blooming in my skin,
to wrap cashmere scarves around my neck
and tug
Until the bruises on my skin,
become the flowers on my grave.
But this isn’t eulogy.
I moved places and changed my name
just to show you I’m not the girl you once knew.
I’m shedding skin and useless memories
in the pile of the forgotten you are among them.
That night,
I left you
silent distant
I discovered resistance
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