Not so much a poem as a superbly needed confession and other ranting qualities.
We're talking about the numerous times I've been sexually violated.
I'm unsure how the whole healing process works for most people in these situations. I've heard a ton of talk about not blaming yourself and blah....
Don't think that fully applies for me.
I'm gonna go ahead and call it on this one
I have to own up to it.
I called these men to me.
Granted, I never wanted any of them to go as far as they did
but to pretend I didn't tempt them is foolish.
I've never had the capacity to be a victim.
I've always had a strength with me.
To claim that I was ever truly a victim is playing down my strength and leaving the door open for it to happen again.
Shutting down may sound a lot like trust issues.
Which I have but I also have a man who knows how,
and is worthy of breaking them down.
The universe has me covered.
Meanwhile, the talk of expressionism and symbolism today in Aesthetics and Performance had my mind on a tangent.
I want to create a play that develops and portrays the way it feels to lose your virginity in such a way. It will spare no feelings.
The main symbol will be a Chasity necklace.
All the ways it can be removed; falling off, snapped off, or gracefully floating down as the couple ascends.
voices, darkness, distortion can portray the image.
Sexuality must be portrayed.
yeah, until I feel like I've gotten it all out, I'm not quitting.
And with that poem.
I want it to feel the way "it" felt.
The slow, seemingly harmless seduction,
to the unyielding build.
Unsure of the ending however.
Could make it true to life,
or could make it what the audience wants to hear.
It's all questionable.
Then I have to wonder how it would do on a BNV stage if I want to make it an indi.
these are my thoughts.
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