Dear Kyle,
Been awhile since I wrote you a letter and I didn’t even realize that until I got here. I was enjoying that time without this yearning for you. Honestly, I shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of tonight. I should have been honest with myself. Feelings like the ones I had for you DO NOT go away. They may be pushed aside, forgotten about, maybe even fade, but disappear; not a chance.
I should have had my guard up instead of thinking I was invincible. But the past couple of days of me bouncing around you like you don’t matter had me thinking I could do it no matter the circumstances. In that regard, tonight was a bit of a wake up call. Avatar started. Doing that poem with you, calling on whatever emotions I use to perform that piece the way I do, put me back where I was almost a year ago. It was hard to shake. Than being next to you, saying that line, “You touched my life like a hallelujah on the breeze. The hallelujah fades, but the breeze is all the more holy.” Which is a line I actually wrote about you a long time ago. Being with you again in Fort Collins and THEN…THEN listening Trevor Hall did it for me. I was nostalgic, and I missed you, and I wanted to be held by you, and loved by you and I just all together remembered what it was like to be apart of your life.
I’m sorry. It’s not fair of me to bring this up. I know, this isn’t the way to earn your trust, which is still one of my goals mind you, but tonight caught me off guard. I don’t know if you fully planned dropping me off first because you were afraid of what would happen but I’m really glad you did. But while we’re being honest, don’t pretend you didn’t feel it too. Don’t pretend you didn’t want to be near me as much as I wanted to be near you. Either way, I take responsibility for my part and it won’t happen again. You don’t have to believe that now. But just wait and see. For both of our sakes, it won’t happen again.
Love,
Augustine
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