I have a better understanding of myself now.
I am very much the narrative thinker against which Christ was warning.
I presume to know who in my life plays a leading role,
how there role is meant to unfold,
the character arcs I will have
and though obvious,
the most important epiphany of all is that I expect to be the lead role.
No need to to go out of my way for any rewarding plot lines or character,
I most always be center stage.
It's not as selfish as it sounds,
if you don't believe me reference my favorite paragraphs from Dessa's chapbook, she explains it all.
However, it is an adverse way of thinking for several reasons;
leads me to ignore "extras"
forces me to hold those whom I've decided are supporting roles to higher expectations than they need be held
causes anxiety when plot lines don't unfold by some formula I've invented
I do selfish things such as not go out of my way to be a supporting role in other's life
I binge on spontaneous moment because much of my life feels rigid.
Alors, here is what we must do.
Repeat this mantra every morning for 21 days until I live out the words
(wanna know a crazy omen, it going to end naturally on 11/11/11 :-0)
Today I will live moment to moment,
I will trust my intuition and invest the majority of energy into peaceful moments,
I am always where I am needed and will do my best to use abilities to other's advantage.
I trust that my life has a fluid purpose and that I will not be able to know where it's going.
I know that every person I come in constant contact with is a key player and I will treat them with respect and lend an ear to anything they have to teach me.
I know that people come and go and it is all for the glory of the universe.
I will comply with everything the universe is teaching me.
I am grateful for everyone who has touch my life, everyone in my life and everyone entering.
It's going to be a beautiful a day
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
After Phone Conversation with Franklin II
If it is a typical demonic strategy is to slip thoughts into mind in order to create a diversion,
to hold dominion long enough an opportunity to be missed
or spoiled;
Then you are said strategy in human form.
You are where the devil got creative
and somewhat impressive.
I mean to think,
he would deliver you labeled as something I wanted,
as something that was meant to help me,
something worth having around that would enhance my spirit
instead of inhibiting.
He took his time crafting you.
And NOT in vain,
you are a master of this art.
to hold dominion long enough an opportunity to be missed
or spoiled;
Then you are said strategy in human form.
You are where the devil got creative
and somewhat impressive.
I mean to think,
he would deliver you labeled as something I wanted,
as something that was meant to help me,
something worth having around that would enhance my spirit
instead of inhibiting.
He took his time crafting you.
And NOT in vain,
you are a master of this art.
Impressive masterpiece of actions.
Amazing.
No really I don't know how you do it.
How magnificently orchestrated.
How quick you are to return my call when it's about you,
how your phone dies when it becomes about me.
The deep caring I feel for you,
the apathy you show me.
I'm in awe.
Pure and sanctified awe.
What an incredible craft you have mastered....
Amazing.
No really I don't know how you do it.
How magnificently orchestrated.
How quick you are to return my call when it's about you,
how your phone dies when it becomes about me.
The deep caring I feel for you,
the apathy you show me.
I'm in awe.
Pure and sanctified awe.
What an incredible craft you have mastered....
Friday, October 7, 2011
Letters
Dear Taharka,
It would appear I'm starting us off early. Not a real shocker. Perhaps it's good, perhaps this is the habit the doctor (Richard) called for. I've written letters that afterwards, after sense sunk in, were completely forgotten and life continued. Though when I wrote the letter, the topic consumed me. Maybe this is the habit I'll get into every time my daddy issues start creepin'.
I'm bummed I didn't hear from you today. At first I was in uproar because I was being given a bit of evidence that you may be like all the other guys; flaky or not into me. I really like what Khat said though, "I can't see him having any malintent. He's gonna be around. And even if you're not together in the capacity you'd like to be, he'll always be your friend." That's enough. It's not what I want, but it's enough, so long as nothing more is promised. I can maintain a friendship if that's what you want, just don't lead me to believe there's more. Anyway, I'm excited to be friends with you, to keep your presence in my life. Yeah, that's the minimum I require.
Now that the fear that you may be like every other guy has somewhat subsided for the moment, I'm just bummed cause I was really looking forward to our first phone conversation. I know that's silly but, think about it; I mean, I don't know about you, but I get soo much more out of phone conversations than any other form of communication. And the two of us, well we've never had a real one-on-one. I'm excited to get to know you.
So yeah, I want to get to know you. I know this wasn't our only opportunity for a phone conversation and they'll be many to come. I'll get over the fact that it wasn't today, but can it please be soon?
Sincerely,
Tiqi
It would appear I'm starting us off early. Not a real shocker. Perhaps it's good, perhaps this is the habit the doctor (Richard) called for. I've written letters that afterwards, after sense sunk in, were completely forgotten and life continued. Though when I wrote the letter, the topic consumed me. Maybe this is the habit I'll get into every time my daddy issues start creepin'.
I'm bummed I didn't hear from you today. At first I was in uproar because I was being given a bit of evidence that you may be like all the other guys; flaky or not into me. I really like what Khat said though, "I can't see him having any malintent. He's gonna be around. And even if you're not together in the capacity you'd like to be, he'll always be your friend." That's enough. It's not what I want, but it's enough, so long as nothing more is promised. I can maintain a friendship if that's what you want, just don't lead me to believe there's more. Anyway, I'm excited to be friends with you, to keep your presence in my life. Yeah, that's the minimum I require.
Now that the fear that you may be like every other guy has somewhat subsided for the moment, I'm just bummed cause I was really looking forward to our first phone conversation. I know that's silly but, think about it; I mean, I don't know about you, but I get soo much more out of phone conversations than any other form of communication. And the two of us, well we've never had a real one-on-one. I'm excited to get to know you.
So yeah, I want to get to know you. I know this wasn't our only opportunity for a phone conversation and they'll be many to come. I'll get over the fact that it wasn't today, but can it please be soon?
Sincerely,
Tiqi
Thursday, October 6, 2011
My Religion (Version 1)
For you to find balance,
You must look at something immovable,
some stable,
a constant.
If your eyes shift,
if they view something that sways,
if the mind becomes aware it is responsible for balance,
you will fail.
You have the power to stay balanced however,
whether endowed or inalienable; present.
Yet, you still need to see something infallibly achieving stability
in order to achieve stability
We are children of imitation.
It is the way we develop.
A default setting responsible for the evolution of 7 billion years.
It is inescapable.
The knowledge that you are in charge,
that this world is inherently yours to change
control,
is no substitute for recognizing other entities
whether imagined or real
they are the outlets for each of our individuals power cords.
Our power comes from a grid,
an undeniable connectivity scientifically proven.
So odd,
that while alone,
we are enough:
we are worthless without each other
and while completely capable in one’s self,
you are worthless without others.
So we find our imitation in each other.
The way father shaves
our brother’s throwing arm
Dorothy obsessive use of make-up
mother’s hypocritical tendencies
We copy these things,
Either deliberately or by accident.
And we think it will be enough.
Think that we will soon be fluid in the language of life so long as we know how to write a check,
ride a bike,
change a tire.
We assume we will find peace if we memorize the actions of those around us,
we think them stable who we most admire.
But what the mind understands
the sub-conscious proves false.
It is more in tune to fractional sways
to the gentle fallibility of the hu,ans around us.
So we look up.
Through clouds,
beyond the sun that’s always "just passing through"
and the stars we’ve known to burst into to dust
since the beginning of time
and we look into the deepest darkness we have ever known,
A canvas
vast enough for us to create something.
Perhaps a painting of ourselves,
balancing,
in perfect harmony with the universe.
We don’t tell ourselves it’s us though.
Only a small majority would be so vain.
Some of us balance out the picture with opposites:
If I am a woman,
He must be a man.
If I am black,
he must be white,
blue eyes
long hair
But most importantly,
he must be everything I wish I were;
kind,
full of grace, knowledge,
understanding,
able to love unconditionally.
He will achieve the stability of which I will never feel capable,
So that when I am alone,
hands steepled to chest,
balancing with one foot arched above my knee;
pigeon’s pose,
I will have something
to look at.
You must look at something immovable,
some stable,
a constant.
If your eyes shift,
if they view something that sways,
if the mind becomes aware it is responsible for balance,
you will fail.
You have the power to stay balanced however,
whether endowed or inalienable; present.
Yet, you still need to see something infallibly achieving stability
in order to achieve stability
We are children of imitation.
It is the way we develop.
A default setting responsible for the evolution of 7 billion years.
It is inescapable.
The knowledge that you are in charge,
that this world is inherently yours to change
control,
is no substitute for recognizing other entities
whether imagined or real
they are the outlets for each of our individuals power cords.
Our power comes from a grid,
an undeniable connectivity scientifically proven.
So odd,
that while alone,
we are enough:
we are worthless without each other
and while completely capable in one’s self,
you are worthless without others.
So we find our imitation in each other.
The way father shaves
our brother’s throwing arm
Dorothy obsessive use of make-up
mother’s hypocritical tendencies
We copy these things,
Either deliberately or by accident.
And we think it will be enough.
Think that we will soon be fluid in the language of life so long as we know how to write a check,
ride a bike,
change a tire.
We assume we will find peace if we memorize the actions of those around us,
we think them stable who we most admire.
But what the mind understands
the sub-conscious proves false.
It is more in tune to fractional sways
to the gentle fallibility of the hu,ans around us.
So we look up.
Through clouds,
beyond the sun that’s always "just passing through"
and the stars we’ve known to burst into to dust
since the beginning of time
and we look into the deepest darkness we have ever known,
A canvas
vast enough for us to create something.
Perhaps a painting of ourselves,
balancing,
in perfect harmony with the universe.
We don’t tell ourselves it’s us though.
Only a small majority would be so vain.
Some of us balance out the picture with opposites:
If I am a woman,
He must be a man.
If I am black,
he must be white,
blue eyes
long hair
But most importantly,
he must be everything I wish I were;
kind,
full of grace, knowledge,
understanding,
able to love unconditionally.
He will achieve the stability of which I will never feel capable,
So that when I am alone,
hands steepled to chest,
balancing with one foot arched above my knee;
pigeon’s pose,
I will have something
to look at.